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As for the coroner, what really bothered us was the prospect of a post mortem.
Again, I do my best so they won’t be alone with her.
He arrived soon after 6am, but did not issue a death certificate. – and partly because I knew my uncle, her only son, wanted to see her one final time. In some ways, we were lucky: the policewoman was both gentle and empathetic and held off calling the undertaker to take Grandma to the morgue until about 9.30am, by which time my uncle had arrived and we had got ourselves together. But when you have, this loss of control and lack of emotional space is the very last thing you need.
Instead, he explained that despite the thick file of medical notes, her age, and the fact that she had been seen several times a day by NHS professionals, he was required to refer the death to the coroner, who would then determine the cause of death. The undertaker, we learnt, is only temporary; you can later switch if you like – and we did, a couple of days later – to one of your choice, who will also look after the body in their own chapel of rest.
– but in the immediate aftermath of the death of someone you have been nursing, it sounds barbaric.
The emotional adjustment from person to corpse is not made so efficiently. Perhaps, somewhere in between those two things, we forget to plan to look after the death itself.
She had woken thirsty, and I’d just squeezed a syringeful of water into her mouth because she didn’t have the energy to sit up, though mentally she was clearly still absolutely “with it”, as she would have said. It was as peaceful and as kind a death as I think it might be possible to have. The curtains were open because she liked to see out. All of our energy had been thrown into life: how to minimise pain, how to make her comfortable.
What you need to know is this: if a person has not seen their GP in the 14 days preceding their death, or is not seen by them immediately afterwards, the case must be referred to the coroner. If the death happens outside surgery hours – in the night, say, or at the weekend – and you reach for the phone and find yourself visited by a different doctor, even one from the same practice, the case will go to the coroner. “It is really to make sure, if the person is not seen by a doctor who has cared for them as a patient, that the correct cause of death is entered on the death certificate,” explains a Home Office spokesman.
How to Record Your Grandmothers’ Experiences You can write down the experiences as you hear them.
If you have a recording device, you can record them.
If you have a smart phone, you can use the free Family Search Memories app to make audio recordings as you listen.
20 Questions to Ask Your Grandmother Think of things you would like to know.
Do you know what they were like when they were your age? But each has had experiences that could be recorded and preserved.