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“Man, I don’t know,” she says, about the record’s darker subjects.“I don’t feel as hopeful as I did as a teenager.” Upon first listen, the album can sound quite chipper, but it’s clear that Hayley is still working through some deep issues in the lyrics.
Hayley signed to Atlantic Records as the lead singer and lyricist of Paramore when she was just 15.
“I got bullied so bad when I moved here that I started practicing how to say the word ‘awesome’ without an accent,” she says.
Worried about her treatment in class, her mother found a homeschool tutorial at a church that met once a week and pulled Hayley out of public school.
I’ve never tried to write music like this,’” she remembers.
“[But] Zac started playing a drum beat, and all of a sudden it became this song called ‘Conspiracy’ that’s on our first record.
She says she’s been struggling with depression these past couple of years, punctuated by times in which she stayed in bed all day watching old episodes of The Office. I don’t think I understood how dangerous hopelessness is.
She says it got so bad, at certain moments, that she fixated on death way too much for her own comfort and found a therapist: “For the first time in my life, there wasn’t a pinhole of light at the end of the tunnel. It wasn’t in the sense of, I’m going to take my life. Everything hurts.” Hayley even privately quit the band for a brief period in the summer of 2015, feeling exhausted and thinking she had nothing left to say or sing. “I thought, There’s gotta be something else that I’m good at in my life.
As Hayley and I discuss the essence of the band’s new album, After Laughter, at lunch, she rests her chin on the palm of her hand.
She’s 28 now, and her once-signature hairstyle has given way to a lightly synthetic blonde that cascades freely down her arms.
With the dyed crimson hair of a comic book superhero and a forceful voice that she used to scream more than sing, she became a teenage rock star and an icon to emo and punk kids all over the world.
On skittish Paramore tracks like “Emergency” and “Misery Business,” she proved herself to be a sensitive and poetic lyricist, writing songs about growing up, first love, and first heartbreak, always with a sense of strength and excitement.
And it was all the more empowering because the band’s closest peers — groups like My Chemical Romance and Fall Out Boy — were led almost exclusively by agonized men.